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Squirm News: Special Report (North Korea Missle Crisis)  
Written by Administrator  
Thursday, 27 July 2006
Frank Wallace of Squirm News Check out this toon we made a long while back about North Korea's delightful dictator Kim Jong Il




We've decided to publish it so that the great internet can feast upon it like vultures.

So enjoy.

Squirm News

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WOW Detox  
Written by Dawkus  
Sunday, 09 July 2006

You'll never get any action off of her!As some of you are aware, I quit World of Warcraft a couple of months ago, and my life is a whole lot better for it.  I have a beautiful girlfriend, getting more sleep, lost a little weight, and started my own website called Global Distortion.

So imagine my delight when I found a website that is devoted to those who quit World of Warcraft and their testimonies.  Here are a few of my favorite excerpts:

Understandable...

 "Because someday, I'd like to tell my grandchildren about my life experiences and I don't think a story about how I "agroed a Molten Giant once" will cut it. Oh and working on that "having grandchildren thing" would be nice. Starting with kids of my own."

Um, ok...

 "Quitting WoW has gotten me laid WAY more often. Since I quit 8 months ago I've had 9 different sexual partners, got a job, lost weight, got in shape, and took up archery. Amazing what real life can do for a girl like me..."

Poor guy...

I'd like to ram her stern! "Because I stupidly introduced my wife to the game, and now that's all she does. She spends more time with her online friends than me, and I may as well not be married anymore."

This was where the game went downhill for me too...

 "Black Rock Mountain. If I hear "BRD", "LBRS", "UBRS" or "MC" again, I am going to cry."

Another Good Reason...

 "I hate large guild politics, grouping with 40 random people who are just in it for the leet gear - and you are too, because you don't know any of these idiots but you need the gear to stay competitive and progress in the game you once loved. You miss your crappy little former guild with all your friends in it, but it wasn't big enough to raid. You still see your friends online sometimes... sometimes."

My favorite reason...


" Wow is a lifestyle, one i dont have time for anymore"

Check out more testimonials at Wow Detox!

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Van Halen ready to 'Jump' for the NBA  
Written by Dawkus  
Friday, 30 June 2006

He got attitude with his lattitude!  Van Halen Ready to "Jump" for the NBA    nice!

Woot!  We won an award!  From www.thebestsatireawards.com

 May 2006 Results
5/10/2006 thru 6/30/2006  Best Sports  

1. Van Halen ready to 'Jump' for the NBA
FarShot

     Ex Van Halen member David Lee Roth is ready to make another career change, but not quite what you might expect.  He's ready to join the NBA. 

"I was really down in the dumps after CBS fired me," confides the 48 year old known as "Diamond Dave". 

"I was thinking I could get back with the band and milk the Van Halen thing again, but then I got a call from a most unlikely person."

That person was none other than Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban.

Proof that not only did the rockers in the 80's have big hair, they had bigger heads as well."It was a no brainer.  Have you seen video from the Van Halen's 'Jump'?  Eddie has a vertical that is almost unheard of!  With their skills and popularity draw this is going to be the best thing since Larry Bird versus Magic Johnson.  Truth be told, the NBA has never really recovered from Michael Jordan leaving.  We needed something to get the fans back into the game.  I heard that the Lakers took on Warrant, and Whitesnake was heading to the Miami Heat, so I had to act fast!"  exclaims Cuban.

Read more...

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