Monday, 11 October 2004
In a daring predawn raid, U.S. backed forces invaded Hyrule and captured its tyrannical ruler, Gannon. The entire war lasted a little less than fifteen minutes.
Almost immediately, the U.G.N. (United Games and Nations) released a statement condemning the United States' actions. The U.G.N. Secretary, Mario, addressed the full assembly:
"Mama mia! What the United States did today was against the U.G.N. constitution, and the Bush administration's decision to overide our request to send back in the Tri-Force inspectors is deplorable at best. How can we have a U.G.N. if they invade Hyrule without our backing?"
At this point Secretary
Mario was interrupted by Ambassador Pac-Man, a troubled veteran of the first
Hyrule invasion, "The ghosts, the ghosts! I can still see them, oh god,
no!" Pac-Man was then excused from the meeting.
Upon hearing of the U.G.N.
statement, President Bush had this to say:
"Contrary to Secretary Mario's claims,
we did have a mutinational coalition. It was comprised of the
United States, Link, Link's sword, Link's grappling hook, Link's bow and
arrows, Link's Boomerang, 3 fairies in a bottle, 72 cents in loose change, a wad
of tissue paper, and a frightened citizen from Guam who accidently got on
the wrong bus."
Rumors have circulated for
months that the U.S.'s sole interest in invading Hyrule was not to remove
Gannon from power, but to find and seize an artifact known as the
Tri-Force. This mysterious and ancient device has the power to defeat
powerful foes such as Gannon, but also has terrible properties that could
wreak mischief if used by those with evil intentions.
The Bush administration vehemently
denies these allegations, but suprisingly did not allow Princess Zelda to
reclaim her throne. Sonic the Hedgehog was named as interim president of
ain't gonna be no royalty put into power when we depose despots, not on my
watch!" said Bush.
"We also got bigger fish to fry.
There are still rogue elements comprised of Octoroks in the area. We got
to take care of that before we do anything. As for Mr. Gannon, however,
It's game over!"