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U.S. Confirms Capture of Gannon  
Written by Dawkus  
Monday, 11 October 2004

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Gannon brought to justice     In a daring predawn raid, U.S. backed forces invaded Hyrule and captured its tyrannical ruler, Gannon.  The entire war lasted a little less than fifteen minutes.

     Almost immediately, the U.G.N. (United Games and Nations) released a statement condemning the United States' actions.  The U.G.N. Secretary, Mario, addressed the full assembly:

     "Mama mia!  What the United States did today was against the U.G.N. constitution, and the Bush administration's decision to overide our request to send back in the Tri-Force inspectors is deplorable at best.  How can we have a U.G.N. if they invade Hyrule without our backing?"

Link and a Deku leaf     At this point Secretary Mario was interrupted by Ambassador Pac-Man, a troubled veteran of the first Hyrule invasion, "The ghosts, the ghosts!  I can still see them, oh god, no!"  Pac-Man was then excused from the meeting.

     Upon hearing of the U.G.N. statement, President Bush had this to say:

     "Contrary to Secretary Mario's claims, we did have a mutinational coalition.  It was comprised of the United States, Link, Link's sword, Link's grappling hook, Link's bow and arrows, Link's Boomerang, 3 fairies in a bottle, 72 cents in loose change, a wad of tissue paper, and a frightened citizen from Guam who accidently got on the wrong bus."

Blood for Tri-Force     Rumors have circulated for months that the U.S.'s sole interest in invading Hyrule was not to remove Gannon from power, but to find and seize an artifact known as the Tri-Force.  This mysterious and ancient device has the power to defeat powerful foes such as Gannon, but also has terrible properties that could wreak mischief if used by those with evil intentions. 

     The Bush administration vehemently denies these allegations, but suprisingly did not allow Princess Zelda to reclaim her throne.  Sonic the Hedgehog was named as interim president of Hyrule.

Beware the Octoroks        "There ain't gonna be no royalty put into power when we depose despots, not on my watch!"  said Bush. 

     "We also got bigger fish to fry.  There are still rogue elements comprised of Octoroks in the area.  We got to take care of that before we do anything.  As for Mr. Gannon, however, It's game over!"

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