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Top 10 Things You Learn While Being a Parent  
Written by Dawkus  
Monday, 15 May 2006

When Parenting has gone horribly wrongI have recently been given the "gift" of learning what it is to be a parent.  Here are some things I have learned:  There are a lot of runny noses, crying for attention or for someone to kiss their boo-boo, dirty faces and clothes, and toys all over the floor; yet it is so rewarding to have them smile and having fun.  Children will drain you to the last bit of energy in your body and still demand more.  They will make you want to pull your hair out and sometimes make you laugh so hard until you cry. 


Top Ten Things you learn while being a parent:

1.  Forget Privacy, It's Silence that is golden.  Ten minutes of this is like Heaven on Earth.

2.  You will never be lonely, or sane again!

3.  McDonald's has the best toys for kids. 

4.  There is a very good reason why you rarely see any children in a Toys R Us.

5.  Child proof locks in cars come in very handy.  I swear there were times when our four year old would jump out of the moving car just to see what it would feel like.

6.  Children live on photosynthesis.  They won't eat a full meal, but they run around like pygmies on crack.  I believe they get their energy from the sun. 

7.  Prepare to share.  No matter if you are eating or drinking, it has to be better than what the child has or had.  Heck, it has to be the best thing in the world, so be prepared to share your wealth, you gluttunous pig, you!  Imagine my horror the first time the two year old drank from my glass with his runny nose and grubby cheeks.  I wanted to scream like a school girl in horror.  Today I don't even lift a brow.  I hear it is like newly arrived visitors to tropical regions in the world.  The first time a bug gets in their drink they get a new glass.  After a few times of this, they just start picking the bug out and continue to drink.  Eventually they just stop fishing the bug out altogether. 

8.  Children will test you beyond endurance.  Just when you can't take one more minute, they will turn it up a notch.  Any parent who hasn't given retroactive abortions some thought must be iron willed angels or on some doctor prescribed nerve pills. 

9.  Sleep is overrated.  You might as will think that, as you aren't ever gonna get any of it.  Children need aproximately 32.5 seconds of sleep every night and can't understand why you could possibly need any more than that. 

10.  It is all worth it.  Everyday when I first see them and they come running up to me for that very first hug of the day makes the whole thing worth it all.  :) 



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