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Scientist Loses Head Over Invisibility Formula  
Written by Dawkus  
Friday, 15 October 2004
Scientist Loses Head Over Invisibility Potion

Poor Professor Rudridge!     Professor Melvin Rudridge, who stunned the scientific community by revealing he had invented an invisibility potion, has now claimed he's lost the formula.

     "I kept the formula on this crumpled piece of paper in my right shirt pocket," says a morose Rudridge, "I couldn't risk my computer getting hacked or my reports getting stolen.  Everyone wanted the potion.  The military could use it on their tanks and planes, and thieves could turn themselves invisible and plan the perfect heist."

After a successful demonstration to a packed science convention in Oslo, Rudridge brought a group of scientists back to a temporary lab he had set up for last minute testing. 

Tight Security     "We were pretty wasted, to be honest.  I had just shown these guys one of the coolest things any of them had ever seen.  Everybody wanted to buy me a drink.  Well, I was showing off my piece of paper when I got too close to a batch of invisibility potion cooling down from the mixing process, which can be very volatile during this time.  I bumped the batch and it exploded, sending the potion all over me and the formula.  Luckily, I rinsed the formula off my hands before it took effect, but my head and the paper were invisible.  According to my calculations, its permanent too."

     The international scientific community is working in concerted effort to help erase the potion's effect on Professor Rudridge and the paper that carried the instructions on how to make the formula.

Humming Airline Bag Scares Airport

He ain't scared... cause he's Sonic!     A Norwegian airport shut down today, stranding passengers for nearly five hours when an alert janitor noticed an airline bag was making strange humming and vibrating sounds.  Security was called to open the bag and found none other than Sonic The Hedgehog, interim President of Hyrule.

     "Oh, yah!  One minute you think you got a bomb or malfunctioning vibrator, the next you are interrogating Sonic the Hedgehog.  It's crazy, man, crazy!"  exlaimed Helga Gershwitz, Airline spokesperson.

     No word yet has been released on why Sonic was inside someone's carry on luggage.  The owner of the baggage had been questioned and released a little less than an hour after Sonic was first discovered.

   One witness, who wished to remain anyonomous, revealed, "I was there when they took that cute blue critter!  He was real messed up, on the sauce ya know?  He was yelling and swearing at the guards.  Said he had enough of ruling Hyrule and just wanted to get back in the mix of things.  I don't think I have to tell you that I ain't never seen nothing like it!"

 

If you can't beat them, Then buy them.

We won't be undersold!The government is buying a small New Mexico town to help fight the war on terror.  The town will be used in all sorts of excercises and drills designed to better prepare government and emergency workers in case another terrorist attack happens in the U.S. 

The town, located in empty desert plains just north of the Mexican border, was built by a mining company in the 1970s and had a peak population of 1,000 before the copper smelter was shut down.

Of the fifty or so residents still living in the town, don't worry. The governement will be providing jobs. In fact, key government officials were up beat. "Everything is going smoothly," said one official, "But where in the hell are we gonna buy some terrorists!?!"

All photoshopped content by John Atkins.  News and Views is completely farcical in nature.  It is not to be intended to be taken as truth in anyway.  The ideas and opinions expressed in News and Views are merely the strange meanderings of a very silly person, me! 

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