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Tank Monkeys  
Written by Dawkus  
Friday, 31 December 2004

That's one way to find parking!     Tank Monkeys

     A tank may not have great gas mileage, but after a few blasts from the main gun, you'd never be stuck in rush-hour traffic again!  There are other exciting possibilities about owning a tank, which Farshot.com has thouroughly investigated.  To keep this report objective, all tank drivers have been replaced with monkeys making silly faces.

     Parking

     Parking in most cities can be an ardorous task at best.  Not anymore!  Need to grab a few items at the local grocery store only to find the parking lot full?  Fear not.  You'll just hit the gas and make you own entrance - Koolaid man style.  When this happens, I've found the clerks to be really friendly and let me have my grocery items "On the house."

Watching Budz on the big screen!     At The Drive-In

     Don't you just hate it when a monster truck parks in front of you, blocking the screen?  Well, fret no more!  In fact, once they see what your driving, no one will ever park in front of you again!  Especially when you let it be known that you got an itchy trigger finger and the movie is starting to piss you off.  Best of all, no fogged up windows revealing how hot and heavy things are getting between you and your date.

 

I'd like a bannana shake and a couple of missles to go, please!     In the Drive-Thru

     Everyone despises being delayed in a drive-thru line.  This usually is on account of some idiot inside was too busy picking his nose and let the fries burn.  When the employees inside know there's a tank in line with a driver suffering from ADD, then they're gonna hustle!  Plus, you'll never have to worry about them screwing up your order.  They'll make sure it's "light mayo, hold the onions" when they're staring down the barrel of a 120 milimeter smooth bore cannon, still glowing red from blasting away the last punk who was foolish enough to grab the wrong burger. 

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