Tuesday, 28 September 2004
Bush admits to Wearing Scooby Costume
President George Bush didn't hesitate when he was asked by Fox News if he still would have put on a flight suit to declare major combat operations in Iraq over.
Bush replied, "Absolutely."
"In fact I still wear it from time to time in the oval office. I also have a Spiderman costume, that outfit John Travolta wore in Saturday Night Fever, and a Shaggy costume. Laura really likes the Fever getup, and Colin Powell loves my Shaggy gear. Every so often, Colin puts on his Scooby costume and we run around the White House asking people for "Scooby Snacks." You'd be surprised how many people actually have them!"
If Napoleon Went Here, Who'd get pissed?
Mount St. Helens recent seismic activity has some scientists worried. The amount of earthquakes are coming within minutes of each other, and there hasn't been this much activity in 14 years.
Officials have called in a crack team of stomach experts who believe pouring in two tons of Pepto Bismol into Mount St. Helens crater should do the trick.
"It makes sense to me," says one resident, "What do you do with a volcano that has a rumbly tummy? You give them the pink stuff!"
Nice try guys...
The space rock known as Toutatis will come very close to Earth Wednesday. How close is our brush with danger? About 960,000 miles, which is rather close on the cosmic scale.
Measuring about 3 miles by 1.5 miles, Toutatis will speed by Earth at 22,000 miles per hour, almost as fast as an olympic athelete on the juice.
Toutatis poses no danger to Earth. However, if it did hit our planet, it would create a blast with the energy equivalent of 1 million tons of TNT.
"It would defintely destroy most of life on Earth as we know it," said one grim-looking scientist.
When asked why this was even considered news, One scientist replied, "Hey, you guys ain't crapping your pants anymore when we raise the nation's terror alert. We gotta do something to keep you screwed up and paranoid!"