Thursday, 28 October 2004
In a shocking new twist to the campaign trail's roller coaster final days, President Bush was caught lip synching at a rally in Michigan.
Bush was answering a tough question by Delores "Liz" Claiborne: "Which side of the bed do you pray on?"
As the president opened his mouth, the PA system blared, "Four more years!"
No one spoke for several seconds as a stunned hush fell over the crowd. Undaunted, a red-faced Bush continued the rally by asking for the next question. "Would you please pray for my three-legged pooch, "Gipper?"Bush was interrupted this time with, "The war on terror is not gonna be easy, but, together, we WILL win!"
At this point, several people screamed and a woman fainted. A man in front of the crowd ripped off his shirt and announced he had just been turned into a homosexual by God.
Bush inexplicably danced a jig, similar to a Texas Two-step, and then walked off stage. Later, when Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry heard the news, he fell to the floor in convulsions. He was immediately carried to a nearby hospital where doctors diagnosed Kerry as nearly having laughed himself to death. The spunky senator from Massachusetts was considered in stable condition and should be released within a day or two.
The next day, President Bush's website had only this oddly worded note to explain what happened.
"Yo yo yo, what up y'all? I guess youse got the 411 by now, word! So, like, what the dealio is, like, I be getting the acid in the reflux, ya know? Which I know is whack, ok? So, all this hatin' be for nothin. So don't be stretchin' them ears over them rumors on the Internets. Especially what tha' fool Kerry be sayin. His only flavor is Hater-aid, through and through. So see me in the White House come January, a'ight? PEACE!!!"
A spokesman for Bush later said it was thought the whole thing to be a terrorist plot to discredit Bush. "First Milli Vanilli, then Ashlee Simpson, and now the President! These terrorists have no shame!"