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Van Halen ready to 'Jump' for the NBA  
Written by Dawkus  
Friday, 30 June 2006

He got attitude with his lattitude!  Van Halen Ready to "Jump" for the NBA    nice!

Woot!  We won an award!  From www.thebestsatireawards.com

 May 2006 Results
5/10/2006 thru 6/30/2006  Best Sports  

1. Van Halen ready to 'Jump' for the NBA
FarShot

     Ex Van Halen member David Lee Roth is ready to make another career change, but not quite what you might expect.  He's ready to join the NBA. 

"I was really down in the dumps after CBS fired me," confides the 48 year old known as "Diamond Dave". 

"I was thinking I could get back with the band and milk the Van Halen thing again, but then I got a call from a most unlikely person."

That person was none other than Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban.

Proof that not only did the rockers in the 80's have big hair, they had bigger heads as well."It was a no brainer.  Have you seen video from the Van Halen's 'Jump'?  Eddie has a vertical that is almost unheard of!  With their skills and popularity draw this is going to be the best thing since Larry Bird versus Magic Johnson.  Truth be told, the NBA has never really recovered from Michael Jordan leaving.  We needed something to get the fans back into the game.  I heard that the Lakers took on Warrant, and Whitesnake was heading to the Miami Heat, so I had to act fast!"  exclaims Cuban.

Roth, 48, has been known to make strange job switches before, such as becoming an EMT right before his radio gig with CBS.  How he managed to convince he ex-band mates to join him is unclear.

Jump!!!"I spoke to the boys, and they was like totally hyped.  The NBA is much like a rocker's lifestyle anyway.  We get groupies, paid tons of cash, are in front of screaming fans, and as a bonus we get snazzy uniforms with our names on the back!" 

Rumor has it that other 80's bands have made the jump to the NBA.  Guns and Roses are in talks with the Raptors, Cinderella is leaning towards Washington, and the Celtics are in final negotiations with AC/DC.

But not everyone is on the right track, muses Cuban.

"I think it's awesome overall.  It will give the term 'Battle of the Bands' a whole new meeting.  But not every team is getting it.  The Pacers got Winger of all people, how can you respect that?  And then Devo might just be suiting up for Detroit."

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