Monday, 25 October 2004
Students at the private institution, Ronald Reagan Middle School for Conservatives, learned about the U.S. Presidents by holding mock elections. In math class they statistically proved that Conservatives are morally superior over Liberals, and they participated in a gym display that featured life-sized paper cutouts of presidents and colorful reports detailing quirky habits and interests of past presidents.
Sixth-grader Nancy Lovett said her report uncovered some pretty unsavory characters who have been U.S. presidents.
"Clinton, for example, was a baby eater," reveals a smiling Nancy. "He'd eat upwards to two or three hundred babies at one sitting. If I ate more than two babies, I'd be full up to my eyeballs!"
Some presidents were more heroic than others. Rebecca Ruth Howard, also a sixth-grader, was excited to learn more about Ronald Regan.
"The Great White Father, as we call him here, was as great and powerful as he was wise." reveals a wide-eyed Rebecca, "Like Moses did the Red Sea, President Reagan parted the Berlin Wall, and destroyed communism forever. He also invented Star Wars. This George Lucas person is just propaganda made up by the liberals trying to steal the credit."
Joshua Cramer, a fifth-grader, was the lucky little scamp who got to do research on current president, George Walker Bush.
"After 9/11, Jesus- uh, I mean President Bush flew to Afghanistan on his own power," claims Joshua, "and he destroyed the evil Taliban with laser beams from his eyes. He then went to Iraq and defeated the entire army there singelhandedly. He had to cause he had one arm tied behind his back!"
Janet Thorson, president of the local Republican Women's League, was really pleased in the interest the children had in politics and voting.
"If this gets some young lady inspired to be in politics then great," confides Thorson, "As long as she doesn't expect to be president, I mean we do have to know our place, right? Maybe if she works hard enough she can find a strong, burly, right-wing christian man who can make her First Lady!"