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Bridge of Doom!  
Written by Dawkus  
Friday, 22 October 2004

     Boy Jumps Off Bridge Because Friends Tell Him To

Beware the Bridge!  A 13 year old Minnesota boy, Tommy Munchausen, plunged to his death from an abandoned bridge because his friends told him to do so.

     His mother, Tilda Munchausen, made a tear-filled statement to the press. 

     "Tommy was such a good young man.  He made good grades in school and he always said his prayers before going to bed.  Now this happens.  I always hated hearing from my mother, "If your friends told you to jump off a bridge, would you?"  It sounded so stupid, but now I wish I could go back and say those exact words to Tommy."

     Tommy's friends were interrogated by police, and let go.

     One boy spoke with reporters, who wished to be called only by the alias he uses on the internet, <=eWoK_FeTuSeS=>.

     "Yeah, we was out at the Old Creek Bridge," admitted <=eWoK_FeTuSeS=>, "Skateboarding and smoking wee-... Er, we was trading Pokemon cards.  I guess all that trading got to Tommy.  He jumped up on the bridge's railing, and then I, I mean someone else besides me said, 'Why don't you jump, dude?'  Then he did, and he was like gone."

Ain't they cute?  Barney Bridge and Pancake Pat     The state of Minnesota wants to put an end to these type of tragedies.  Starting next year the state will be funding a program called, "The Bridge Jumpers Club, Just Say No!" which will feature mascots Barney Bridge and a darling little Pancake Pat who represents a kid who jumped.  The program will be touring schools statewide. 

     One highlight of the show will be Pancake Pat's opening song:

     "I'm a kid who jumped from a bridge

       jumped from a bridge jumped from a bridge

       My friends told me too!

       What a stupid rule!

       Then I saw the ground, it was coming up fast!

        I let out a cry for help , and then I went SPLAT!  (Handclap) (pause)

       Now they call me Pan-cake P-A-T!!!!! (pat drawn out)"

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