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Neverland Blues  
Written by Dawkus  
Friday, 24 September 2004

Neverland Blues

This Thriller is Bad for that Smooth Criminal...     Police have made yet another raid in the Michael Jackson child molestation case. This time it was the home of an assisstant to Wacko Jacko. The warrant is one of around 100 that have been issued. Twenty have been approved for September alone.


     One police spokesman was quoted as saying, "Five more warrants to go and we break the record! Yeeeeeeah!!! Party at my house!"

Smell Phone

     Tough Crowd, you mumbling idiot...A German company has plans to develop a phone that will allow users to gauge how their breath rates on offensive odor. Interesting possibilities. You could have it rigged to see what your alcohol level is before heading out of the bar. This might also help for those who may not know that stuffing your face with Funyuns will make your breath "Stankified."

     "It examines the air in the immediate vicinity for anything from bad breath and alcohol to atmospheric gas levels," the spokeswoman said. "Some people take smelling good rather seriously."

     Some People? Um, I'd say anyone I associate with takes smelling good very seriously. Except for that bum who hangs out at the local liquor store. Wow, I didn't know a man could smell like moth balls and beer farts at the same time.

     I just wish they'd make a phone that would inform Colin Quinn just how crappy his show "Tough Crowd", really is. Whatever he has on the people who run Comedy Central must be huge!

A is for Atkins, B is for Blubber

     Michelin may have a new mascot yet.  Atkins Kid.Atkins Nutritionals Inc is teaming with New York schools to bring dietary awareness to school children. This is not the first time schools have teamed up with big companies. Educational institutions have close ties with fast food, snack food and other industrial, financial and retail sponsors.

     Talk about funny. The Atkins diet is such a fad. Eating all that crap like bacon and cheese may make you lose weight temporarily, but it's not gonna be cool when you keel over from a heart attack before you're twenty.

     What next, the Ronald McDonald school for fat slobs?

All photoshopped content by John Atkins.  News and Views is completely farcical in nature.  It is not to be intended to be taken as truth in anyway.  The ideas and opinions expressed in News and Views are merely the strange meanderings of a very silly person, me!



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